Chukai, 00/00/00 - The snap poll in Chukai has attracted many political party workers to come to the city. With an estimated population of 160, 000 people, it will be no different than Batu Sapi and Galas by-elections.
That is a quote from the future edition of The Chukai Insider, a leading online portal in East Coast of Malaysia. Wouuu. Well, if you noticed the newspaper this past week, Batu Sapi in Sabah and Galas in Kelantan will be having snap polls after their representatives passed away. Since March 2008, I cannot count how many elections there were..
I'm wondering what will happen to my town, Chukai if there is a snap election coming. Let me tell you what will happen in Chukai if there will be a snap poll.
1. Prime Minister, Deputy Prime Minister and Ministers will come to Chukai via Kertih Airport or Kuantan Airport. Cannot go by car, sakit punggung. Then, Anwar Ibrahim, Haji Hadi Awang and Nurul Izzah also will come. They can fly using Malaysia Airlines or Firefly. Well, nak berkempen la katakan. They all will drive Perdana or Mercedes. I tell you, for some Chukai-ians, you will look poor in those cars. You see, most of them work in oil and gas industry, they have money to buy their own Mercedes.
2. The next day, they all will come to your houses and greet you. Urm..selama ni I tak nampak pun muka you! You datang ni buat apa? So there will be chit chat. BN or PKR, they all are very kind at this time. 'Kita akan buat yang terbaik untuk Chukai!'. Nak terkentut I dengar!
3. Since the population of Chukai is quite large, they cannot go to every houses like they do in Galas. So, the massive Dewan Berlian and Dewan Sri Amar Diraja will be filled every time. Tak ketinggalan, Padang Astaka where you can work out at the same time.
4. I don't know what they can promise to us as well. Since the population here is totally different than that of Galas and Batu Sapi, it will be hard for them. Like in Galas, you can offer Projek Perumahan Rakyat Termiskin (PPRT), but here, orang miskin ada la seciput. Kentut sekali terus terbang. Kat sini miskin dia ada Astro, kereta Kancil and tak semestinya rumah kayu. So, what do want to give to them? Here, there are lots of Kampungs, but very weird kampungs. Kampung Mak Chili, Kampung Gong Limau, Kampung Mak Lagam, Kampung Tengah, Kampung Gong Pauh and many more. In Mak Chili, there are high-rise bungalows , I don't know la what you can promise to them. These kampungs are very connected to the world. In fact, they are not even kampungs.
5. We all will be promised with lots of things. What do you want, you tell me. We want to win, so we give you everything. Najib will give you this, Anwar will give you that.
6. They all will promise to give you Wang Ehsan. Well, Terengganu citizens are very addicted to that.
7. Datuk Mohd Said, the Mentri Besar will promise to give you supermarkets, marina and many things la. Giant anyone?
8. Main roads will be upgraded. So, that will make the already massive traffic jam even worse! You know, if you want to go from Geliga to Bukit Kuang, it could take you 1 hour drive in the morning.
9. Majlis Perbandaran Kemaman will put lots of flowers and bonsai. That's Chukai's trademark anyway. I wonder the million ringgit 'air pancut near Taman Chukai Utama' tu will be working or not. Or the massive Globe. Well, to Chukai outsiders, don't be surprise, we all have very canggih-canggih water fountain here. When, you come later on, they will switch it on.
10. My father's shop will be visited by Prime Minister maybe. So can la take-take pictures and frame them. Maybe he can get haircut from my father too. Then my father will say " Bila jalan depan rumah saya nak diperbesar, kalu tak saya cukur sampai botak!"
11. Political parties that promise they will build an integrated shopping complex, they ate confirmed to win. You know, Chukai people like to shop so much. It's like not enough here you know. We all already have the 'dead' Center Point, the always-busy Yellow Town, the mysterious Casa Limbong, Nirwana, Pantai Selamat, Tunas Manja and many more la. Why you build Mesra Mall in Kerteh? That's too far. We want it in front of our house! Dekat Lot 144 ke..ni buat kat Kerteh.
12. If you build an integrated 'tudung megamall' also will win.
13. If you build high-speed train to Kuantan also, you will confirm to win. Chukai-ians go to Kuantan like Kuantan is their home town. My mother sometimes even shop for groceries in Giant Kuantan.
14. Many outsiders (the locals refer to you as 'orang luor') also will come to campaign. And so, kaya la the famous Hai Peng. Mak Cik berniaga kat pasar habis kuih. Habis la tudung in Center Point. These colours will be selling fast; pink for Puteri UMNO, green for PAS (saiz labuh la) ..
15. Hotels will be fully booked. The famous or high-ranked politicians will stay in Awana Kijal la. River Garden Hotel? Euww..
And there they are. After election, goodbye! Mana muka you I dah tak nampak dah. Hai Peng kembali sunyi. Mak cik-mak cik kembali sakit lutut and takde orang nak bawak pergi klinik. Shopping complex? Hmm, kat Kuantan kan ada.
They are true for both political parties. Whether you fight for Malay Agenda ke, or fight for Perjuangan Islam ke, we don't care. We want high-income jobs, shopping complex, marina ( I kan ada yacht ), new bridge in Bukit Kuang, and that's all. We don't give a damn about you rhetorical promises!